-Home planet~

Heylo people,my name is Xerd-392.I am an intelligent(highly so) life form from mars.
In this human 'blog' i shall attempt to narrate my experiences on mars and here on 'earth',in the hope that you will die of boredom and hence making it easier for my race to take over and colonise this pitiful blue ball that you call 'earth'.My being here is completely accidental and unintended.In my posts,you shall read of my attempts at world domination and the (slightly)pitiful state i have been reduced to by you humans.You shall also be granted access to my views on the issues of 'earth's' today.I am wasting a considerable amount of time,typing out this and therefore demand that my efforts be acknowledged by means of comments(even bad ones).
I sign off(not very peacefully)...
xerd-302~

-How i got to earth~1.

September 1st,1992(earth time)-
It was an unusually cold night,as i slithered back to my burrow,skillfully manouvering in the small gaps between the multitude of life forms,all crawling,walking,flying and slithering to their burrows.Potato shaped Deimos and Phobos were high in the martian sky which was awash with the same crimson colour as the soil.I went slowly,the red,iron rich soil nourishing me as i went.
As i approached the cleverly concealed hole in the ground(which was my burrow)...i noticed something gleaming in the dust.I stooped and picked it up.It was one of those metal coated cylinders that those idiots from venus had sent over the other week,they were literally raining down on us.Being a late riser,i didn't manage to get one.Every self-respecting martian had one of these...it was a really good power source(and i heard that it made good eating when cooked the right way).Snorting my delight,i carried it inside,wondering if i could use it to power my ship.
+++ Depositing the ore i had collected earlier into the pot which contained the grey slurry that was to be my dinner(it's made from the worms that we cultivated),i walked to the box where i kept my tools.Hefting the box in one long slimy tentacle,i slid over to the adjacent,smaller hole where my transport was parked.
It was nothing really fancy...just your run of the mill faster than light ship.
Now,the problems with that piece of junk were many,but the biggest,by far,was the fuel.It consumed so much power that i couldn't even use it for my every day visits to the grocery store.i pulled out the power compartment and yanked out the goo coated hunk of iridium that i used as the power source(the goo made it easier to slide it in).I neatly deposited the cylinder inside the compartment and slammed it shut.
It would take a while for the ship's onboard computer to recognise the power source since was so freakin' slow(couldnt afford a better one).
I went back into my hole and hastily slurped my dinner and fell asleep with plans for the next day.

-How i got to earth~2

September 2nd,1992(earth time)-
You're propably wondering why highly evolved,intelligent creatures such as us martians who passess FTL technology live in burrows...Well,truth is,i lived on the outskirts of one of the great martian empire's largest cities,situated next to olympus mons(a mountain three times the height of mount everest);The distant skyline crammed with sky-scrapers.I got out of the city to escape the congestion.I woke up the next morning to the loud and inecessicent beeping of the alarm.I yawned,my many tubes undulating.after a quick repast,i hurried to check on the previous night's experiment.As i approached the adjacent burrow,my hearts beat with anticipation;And i dared not hope that it would have worked.
I squeezed through the force field without waiting for it to completely dissolve.My skin stung,but i ignored it and kept going...At the end of the dimly lit tunnel,my ship sat waiting for me.As i approached the rusty saucer shaped vehicle,i gasped in astonishment.The power gauge embedded in the hull was full and what's more,it was green(we have 5 colours on power gauges which indicate the power level of the particular piece of equipment,green was the highest).That was possible only in ships which use dark matter power sources,combined with engines that we spend entire lifetimes fine tuning.
Ever since we first made contact with species from other planets,i had always cherished a desire to visit an alien planet.And now,with this ship i might finally be able to achive.I squealed,clicked and created such an uproar that i was surprised that nobody came to investigate.
Then,all of a sudden,a stray thought popped the bubble of joy in me(literally).
What about the others???Wouldn't they take it away for "the greater good"?I decided right then that i would tell absolutely nobody...this was simply too important and i had waited for too long for something like this to waste such an opportunity.I decided to test drive my craft straight away.Rushing back to my burrow,i grabbed the card key and zipped back to the ship.Swiping the card across the outdated card reader,i hopped in as the glass dome lifted with a hiss and then,solidifying myself,i secured myself to the moulded seat by means of a series of force fields.
I typed in the flight commands and programmed the path for the flight and with a shiver of exictement,confirmed them with a final push of the button.
(For crying out loud!!!What do you earthlings want in return for a few freakin' comments???)